we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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