I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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