Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
