Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
