He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
