Do vagina's smell?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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