I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
