Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
