Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
