I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
