new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
