Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
