i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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