I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
