went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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