Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
