you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
