just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
