In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
