remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
