There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
