I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
