Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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