also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
