i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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