Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
