It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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