The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
