mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
