11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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