You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
