its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
