apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Two words: blizzard sex
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
