Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
