i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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