Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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