you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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