dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
