Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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