I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
