We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
