Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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