dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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