Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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