well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
