i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
