batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
