i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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