I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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