She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
