The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
